You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
