Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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