Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
