My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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