Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
