I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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