They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
