Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
