dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
