i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The adults are the big ones right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
