To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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