hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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