my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
