lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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