K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
