well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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