I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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