Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
