i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize