Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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