im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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