he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
