So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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