Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
