My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
