Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize