I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
