apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
