The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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