Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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