u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
