I think I won the penis lottery.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
