You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
