so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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