One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
