dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
