She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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