i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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