We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
