You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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