Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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