Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
smell my finger.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
