I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
