I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
