I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
