Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize