I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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