I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
