I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
