I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
