I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
ok first of all what the fuck
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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