we're blogging at a bar
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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