Im at strip club and am horny
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
