Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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