i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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