walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
