New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize