idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
