Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
