I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize