If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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