I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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