Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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