Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I will be naked everywhere
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize