Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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