The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
