Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
