..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
