I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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