I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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