Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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