Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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