Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
