Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize